Saving College Money

I read the email in disbelief, then looked over my shoulder to make sure my father’s ghost wasn’t standing there.

All my life, he had stressed how a good education could help me to be a better person and to get a good job, even though the latter hadn’t worked out that well for him. He got into college at sixteen, but his parents thought he was too young for college, so he did an extra year at Andover. He entered Princeton the following fall. Then his father died suddenly partway through his freshman year. With his mother’s help and a lot of odd jobs, Dad was able to finish college and take on a real job in the real world.

But….

It was 1930 and the beginning of the Great Depression. There were no jobs for anyone, not even for bright young men from Princeton. So Dad stayed home and cleaned and cooked while his mother went to work as a secretary. A year or two later, Dad got a job in the claims department of an insurance company. It was a good job, steady and solid. Though he never cared for it, he stayed in that industry almost all of his life. With a wife and children to support and the lingering memory of joblessness, you didn’t take chances, not in those days.

Despite his misfortunes, Dad still believed in the importance of education, as did our mother. Both of them backed up their beliefs with their actions: all five of their children went to college; my younger brother and I even followed his footsteps to Andover and Princeton.

So imagine my dismay when I opened the e-mail and learned that all my parents’ sacrifices were unnecessary.

“UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS FAST“, it said in the subject line. I opened it to discover that I could “Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration of all” just by getting a diploma!

But what kind of diploma I wondered? “Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience….Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas in the field of your choice,” they answered.

Are they hard to get? “No required tests, classes, books, or interviews….No one is turned down.”

PLUS! “Confidentiality assured.” [No, of course there’s nothing suspicious about getting an education on the sly.]

“CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!”

It was signed “24045”, whoever that is. It didn’t say what the cost was, and I was too depressed to call. I knew it would be less than even a single year of college tuition, let alone four.

I’m going to get another diploma – maybe a PhD this time. Want me to get you one?