Now that you’re old like me, remember what your grandmother told you, may she rest in peace. When you talk to your children (and grandchildren, should you be so blessed), never talk about your aches and pains and how you suffer each day.
Never complain. Never. Never. Never….
Unless of course, they ask. Then you have to tell them, right? You don’t want to be rude.
But don’t worry. Just because they don’t ask doesn’t mean they don’t care. Trust me, they’re worried already.
I mean, they love you, right?… I know, I know, it’s hard to see sometimes: they never call, they never write, they never visit. But they love you and they want to know how you’re doing, they just don’t know how to ask.
So help them.
When they finally get around to taking ten, fifteen minutes of their very precious time out of their very busy day and stop by, do what you always do. Say hello, give them a kiss, talk to them. But give some clues so they know how bad things are. Shuffle when you walk, maybe drag a foot. Turn your face down, keep your voice flat, a little slow. Give them a chance to ask what the matter is. And when they do, you say,
“Nothing.”
They’ll know right away something’s going on but you don’t want to bother them. So they’ll ask, “What is it? What’s the matter?” (If they don’t, don’t say anything, just drag yourself upstairs and go to bed. When they leave, take them out of your will.)
If they do ask, come again with the “Nothing.” Same way, maybe a little weaker.
But be careful. The wrong tone of voice, too many “nothings”, they’ll walk away. Remember, it’s a learning process for them too. They don’t know their lines yet, what they’re supposed to do. Give them time, maybe give them something to help them notice – a little sigh, a shiver, maybe a cough (just watch out for gas). That usually brings them around to asking.
But sometimes children are self-centered or maybe just stupid, and they don’t get it. You say, “nothing,” and they walk away as if what you’re going through really is nothing. Their attitude is shameful, but this younger generation….I mean, what can you do?
Here’s what: the next time they come over and ask here’s what you tell them —
“To you, I’m going to say okay.”
Simple answer, right? Yes, but it’s got layers. First one is, you’re okay, don’t worry about it. Second layer is, you’re really not, you just don’t want to bother them. Third is, you might be dying. Maybe you took the wrong medicine by accident, maybe you got cancer from the toilet seat at Macy’s.
Simple to do, right? No, it takes practice, You got to get the timing right and the way you make your face. You got to hesitate a little (count to five), droop your face (should come easy for you), put sad in your voice and tell them, “To you, I’m going to say okay.”
It works every time.