For some reason, our company’s recent organizational changes generated a lot stress among employees. Surprisingly, the biggest problems occurred at the beginning. That’s when we sent researchers out to record exactly how employees did their jobs. We never gave them a single reason to be concerned as to our purpose. In fact, we went out of our way to assure them that there was no need to worry, we were not planning to cut more than 50% of the jobs. It didn’t matter, the symptoms began to appear almost immediately:
Well, whatever the reason, the stress-o-scope readings were well into the danger zone. We took four immediate steps to alleviate the stress:
We piped in punk music.
We painted the walls a cheery red.
We gave ourselves a raise.
We hired three corporate clowns.
Yet despite all of our efforts, some weaklings couldn’t handle the pressure, so we can up with two more brilliant solutions:
1.) We changed everyone’s screensaver to show a beautiful beach scene with plenty of bright sun to help those with Seasonal Affective Disorder (a.k.a., depression from lack of sunlight).
2.) We put on a compulsory after-hours fitness seminar for only eighty dollars a week.
As a result, out of the people who were left, only five had a nervous breakdown and just two had to be committed.