Long ago, about 1,000 years, a big ball suddenly showed up in the universe. Some say God was playing catch with his son and Jesus dropped it accidentally (he was only a baby).
Others say God was playing golf, which makes sense since 1,000 years after that, a big clump of dirt and grass that looked like a divot landed splat on top of the big ball. Of course, a few small bits bounced off when that happened, the way tomato sauce does when you pour it and you get spots on your white shirt that take six washes to come out. The divot bits were what became the moon as well as the planets we know about, plus the ones we don’t know about yet. God named the big ball “earth” so it would have the same name as in the books that came later.
Everything was fine for 1,000 years, until one day (or night, depending on which way the sun was pointing. (Sometimes it points towards the earth, which we call “day”, and sometimes away from it, which we call “night”. (The sun is like a large spotlight which turns around and around – very slowly (much slower than a lighthouse light) – so it can light up the stars and all the planets.))). Anyway, this meteor (think really big rock, like 1,000 pounds) hit the earth so hard it tipped into a tilt. Luckily, the earth had made a lot magnetisms by spinning around its core, and these gravities glued the big divot to the earth so it didn’t fall off the way the little bits did, only slid down a lot.
After about 1,000 years (1,000 is God’s favorite number, FYI), almost all of the divot stuff had come away from the top except for a part that stuck there, like what happens when you try to peel off your Rx label so no one knows you’re taking Viagra or psycho drugs. The part that stuck on top of the earth we call the North Pole, even though there isn’t a pole there. There used to be, but the divot knocked it all the way through the earth to the other end, which we now call the South Pole. (No one has ever seen that end of the pole either because by the time God invented people, it was already covered with snow and penguin poop.))
The divot stuff didn’t all go down the same way to the same spot. Most slid half way down the left side. Another most slid half way down the right side, and a third most slid down the back side (turn your map over). Then God filled the empty places on the bottom underneath the mosts with water so the earth wouldn’t be top heavy. He added salt to the water so it wouldn’t freeze and made it wavy, just to make sure. When he invented people and animals, he didn’t want them sliding off the earth and hurting themselves.
Then he took a nap for about 1,000 years.
(Go to http://grantidotes.com/earth-early-childhood/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=earth-early-childhood for Part II of this 3-part series)
this is great fun, Grant. nice work.
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