Parable of The Good Accountant

            One day, my boss spoke to me in words of much force. “You must satisfy, nay, DELIGHT your customer!”
            “And who is my customer?” I asked her.
           Then she told me this story:

            A certain poor man wishing to feed his wife and children, took what little money he had from the greedy bank, which charged him for the putting in of his money, the keeping of it , and the taking of it out. Tired of being thrice-punished for the same money, the poor man took it all to a small broker who dwelt not far from where the poor man lived. The well-clothed broker smiled upon the man and told him if he gave him all of his money, he would make it grow ten-fold within two seasons by placing it with a company that had no product or profit or future.
            “How can this be?” the man asked.
            “Because we have blessed its stock,” the broker said, “And it will rise to the heavens from whence it will shower gold upon you and your loved ones.”
            “Will you buy the same stock?” the man asked.
            “Of course not,” the broker replied. “For if I were to buy it, I would have none for you. Though sorely tempted, I would stay my hand from buying so that someone worthy, such as yourself, might prosper.”
           And the man thanked him and begged him to buy that precious stock. “Will it cost much for you to take my money?” the man asked. “Only a tithe or two,” he said. “And I will take that part right away so as not to burden your future earnings.”

            And the poor man went away and smiled upon his loved ones and told them that soon they would eat again. But in the meantime, the man’s stock fell upon bears, who stripped it and beat it and left it for dead. When the man saw this, he went to his broker that he might smite him. But the broker was not there, not he nor his suit nor his smile. Where his office had been now were women with red lips and large hair who lavished color upon the nails of one’s hands and one’s feet.
            Then the poor man fell by the side of the road and wept. And by chance there came down this same road a certain CPA. When he saw the poor man, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a CFA, when he was at the place, came and looked upon him and passed by on the other side. But an accountant as he traveled, came where the poor man was and took pity on him and took him to the place where he toiled, the same place where the man’s stock lay dying.
            “Fear not,” he told the man, “Your stock is not dead, it is only sleeping.”
            And he raised his hands to his keyboard and changed the numbers that lay there. And when he had finished, he sent those numbers to the north and to the south, to the east and to the west, and the bulls saw them and came themselves to the place where the man’s stock lay. They chased away the bears and poked the man’s stock and breathed upon it until it rose again.
            And the poor man rejoiced and sold the stock when it neared the heavens. And he gave the money to his children that they might eat. And all were happy because the accountant had taken the man to be his customer and had satisfied, nay, had delighted him.

            Then my boss said to me, “Go and do likewise.” And I did. I took pity on my poor friends who owned our company stock, and I raised my hands to my keyboard and changed the numbers that laid there. And the stock of our company rose to the heavens. And when our stock had come near the sun, I bade my friends sell their stock, but to my boss who had vexed me I said nothing. And my friends sold all that they had and sent their money to a faraway place. I too did likewise, and when I had done so, I raised my hands to my keyboard and changed the numbers that laid there. Then there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth in my company, but I heard it not, for I had left my old land and my old name behind me and gone to live in a distant country.